did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
