Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
