I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
