The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
