Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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