The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
how does that bad decision feel?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
