The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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