i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
