I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
