Got a toothbrush?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
