Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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