You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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