I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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