I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
