now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
