Im at strip club and am horny
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
