You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
