i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
