I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
