i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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