Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
