If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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