Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
