He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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