Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
