Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
