The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
