I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
