Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
