i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
