honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
