I think my fart just growled at me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
