Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
