thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
