I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
