u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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