I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
