tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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