you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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