i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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