If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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