just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
