pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
