I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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