Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
