while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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