Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
