I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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