We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
please don't ironically join a cult
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