She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
