Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
