Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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