in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
